If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
tequila makes me forget i have legs
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Randomize
