I wish I only lived at night.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
