his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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