i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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