It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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