capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
