WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
