your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
