Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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