just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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