he puts the penis in happiness.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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