what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
