so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
