It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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