Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
