I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
