I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
