OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
