Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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