Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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