i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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