New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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