I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
