i barfeds in our rink
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I will be naked everywhere
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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