I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
