Why are handjobs necessary in class?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
