I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize