Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
