just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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