And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
