Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
