No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
