If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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