I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
