Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
