I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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