Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
