Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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