do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
