she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
