It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
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That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
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The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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