And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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