He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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