Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
