I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
His hands were made for my vagina.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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