And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
