i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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