Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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