The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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