there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
