Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
