I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
