It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
