I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My cat gives me a boner
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
