And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
