You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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