Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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