I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
