no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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