um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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