So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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