hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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