my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
