I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
