its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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