Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
